Dealing with aggressive colleagues can be challenging even for women in the tech. Here is how to navigate aggressive behavior to maintain a positive workplace.

First off, you might have noticed this newsletter arriving a tad later than usual. Here’s why: I just got back from a few days in Santa Barbara. I needed a change of scenery and gave myself a few days to recharge by the ocean, and yes, Coco, my 14-year old dachshund, came along too! It was a great reminder that sometimes what we need is to slow down and reconnect with what energizes us.

Now, onto something I’ve been hearing a lot about lately: dealing with aggressive colleagues. It’s popped up for a few clients, and I thought it’d be useful to share some strategies:

1. Pause and Ground Yourself: When things heat up, pause and take a deep breath. It’s ok to have a few moments of silence in the conversation. Connect with your senses: feel your butt in your seat, or rub your fingers together. This helps you stay present and not react on impulse.
2. Stay Assertive, Stay Calm: Being clear and firm doesn’t mean being angry. For many of us, especially those with a history of encountering anger or aggression in our past, we can struggle with being assertive as we’ve intertwined it in our minds with anger and aggression. But we have the permission to be assertive and set boundaries and can do so from a place of calm power. Use phrases like, “Can you clarify what you mean?” or “Excuse me, I wasn’t done sharing my point”. It’s about standing your ground respectfully. If the other person doesn’t calm down, it’s also okay to ask to pause the conversation and come back to it later.
3. After the Fact: Think about why the interaction got to you. Why did this trigger you? Are you feeling some self-judgment from what they said? It’s important to remember that often, anger and aggression stem from the other person’s issues, and is not about you personally.

Dealing with aggressive coworkers can be a challenging issue to deal with, and having someone to support you in how to handle these types of conversations can be invaluable. If this is something you’re struggling with, respond to this e-mail with your current challenge. I’d love to support you with whatever is going on.

Finally, I wanted to share a quick reminder about my retreat coming up March 15-17 in Ashland. It’s a perfect chance for you to focus on what you really want. So often we end up living the life that other people have defined as success, and yet we end up feeling empty and unfulfilled. This is your opportunity to step into your power and self-leadership and create the change you desire! Every retreat I’ve been to has felt priceless and made a huge difference in how I see things. Don’t keep postponing prioritizing yourself! Check it out here: https://marayabrown.com/retreat-march2024/.

That’s it for now. Stay strong, and remember, it’s okay to take a step back and breathe.

Catch you next time, Jossie

P.S. I’d love to hear what tips and strategies you’d like to learn more about in my upcoming newsletters. If there is a topic that is top of mind for you, respond to this e-mail and let me know. I personally read every response!
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