Discover why brilliant women stay stuck despite having all the strategies. Learn how to expand your capacity to receive what you want and break free from old patterns.

I had one of those coaching sessions last week that reminded me why I love this work. You know those moments when a client comes in with one agenda, but the conversation flows toward exactly what they need to hear, even if it’s not what they expected?

The Engineer’s Optimization Trap

My client Mary (name changed for privacy) came into our session feeling scattered. Layoffs at her company had her stressed, and she hadn’t made progress on the goals we’d discussed. She was beating herself up about it, expecting we’d dive into action planning: “How do I become an engineering manager? What are the concrete steps? Give me the roadmap.”

But here’s what I’ve learned working with engineers: We’re so good at optimization that we try to optimize everything, including our dreams.

The problem? If optimization was the answer, these brilliant people would have already figured it out.

Shifting the Conversation

Instead of giving her another action plan to ignore, I offered some loving accountability: “If you want to make your dreams a reality, you have to put time on the calendar.”

But then we went deeper. I introduced something most career coaches never touch: **the capacity to receive what you want**.

Because here’s the thing, you can have the perfect plan, but if your nervous system doesn’t believe you can actually receive what you’re working toward, you’ll unconsciously sabotage your own efforts.

The Science Behind “Manifestation”

When I mentioned manifestation, I could see her engineer brain checking out. So I reframed it:

“Does it resonate that if your body doesn’t even feel like it can receive something, it’s very unlikely you’re going to get that thing?”

That she could agree with.

Our bodies are wired for homeostasis: keeping things the same because same equals safe. When we start talking about big changes (like moving to a dream location or completely shifting careers), our nervous system sounds the alarm: “Tiger! Danger! Go back to what’s familiar!”

The work isn’t just planning; it’s nervous system regulation and gradually expanding our capacity to hold bigger possibilities.

Why Engineers Struggle with This

In tech, we focus 90% of our energy on just 2-3 life areas: work, money, and maybe impact. But fulfillment requires balance across all dimensions:

• Relationship with yourself
• Body and health
• Soul and spirituality
• Partnership
• Friends and family
• Community
• Vocation and mission
• Resources and money
• Play and experiences
• Impact

When I walked through this list with my client, something clicked. She’d been trying to engineer her way to happiness using only a fraction of the variables.

The Real Homework

Instead of another strategic plan, her homework was:

1. Protect sacred time: One hour every Friday afternoon, non-negotiable

2. Start with nervous system regulation: 5 minutes of breathing and visualization before any planning

3. Focus on the next level not “level 10“: What’s the next receivable step, not the impossible dream? Get clearer on that weekly and then start holding space for more as that starts becoming a reality.

4. Trust the process: Get clear on the vision; let the “how” emerge

The Meta-Coaching Insight

Here’s what I told her at the end: “This is most likely not where you expected our third session to go.“

And she replied: “Don’t always get what you want. Sometimes you get exactly what you need.”

That’s the magic of coaching, sometimes the most transformational sessions happen when we set aside the agenda and follow what wants to emerge.

What Traditional Career Coaching Misses

Most career advice focuses on external strategies: better resumes, networking tactics, skill development. But if someone has been stuck in the same patterns for years (my client mentioned having the same dream since she was 18), the issue isn’t strategy, it’s capacity.

The work is helping people:

• Regulate their nervous system around change
• Expand their comfort zone gradually
• Hold space for uncertainty while taking aligned action
• Trust their intuition alongside their analytical mind

Ready to Expand Your Own Capacity to Receive?

If this conversation resonates with you, if you’re tired of having all the strategies but feeling stuck in the same patterns, this might be exactly the right time to invest in yourself.

I recently introduced a self-pay discount of up to 20% specifically to honor women who are ready to take that leap and invest in their own growth. And because I know coaching is a big commitment, I also offer a no-regrets guarantee: after our first month, we’ll have a 30-minute check-in where you can share what you want more of, what you want different, or decide it’s not the right fit and end the contract.

Because sometimes the biggest barrier isn’t the strategy or even the money, it’s giving ourselves permission to receive the support we need, and trusting that it’s safe to try.

If you’ve been thinking about coaching but haven’t taken the step, your nervous system might be telling you it’s not safe to invest in yourself. What if that’s exactly the signal that it’s time?

Learn more about working together or book a strategy call here: https://calendly.com/jossiehaines/45-min-strategy-call

If you’re curious what working together could look like, feel free to DM me on LinkedIn.

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